


Get Busy Living (Or Get Busy Dying)

by The_lazy_eye



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Car Accident, Fluff, Good Parents Maggie & Wentworth Tozier, M/M, Pining, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 05:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17522645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_lazy_eye/pseuds/The_lazy_eye
Summary: “Look at him!” Maggie coos, pinching Richie’s cheeks and squatting down to be eye level with her son. “He’s growing up so fast. My handsome man.”Richie pats her hands away from him, jutting out his upper lip and crossing his arms. “Mom! Stop! I’m not a kid anymore!”“Oh, right. I’m sorry, kiddo. I almost forgot. A big old man of twelve now,” Went teases walking around the corner and into the living room. “I can’t believe how grown you are. Maybe we should start giving him more chores, yeah Mags? A big strong man needs more responsibilities.”Maggie stifles a laugh behind her hand as Richie puffs his chest out at them. “That’s not fair! C’mon guys!”Went laughs full out at this, smiling as he pats his son on the head, “Sure, sure, ol’ chap. But you gotta start doing your own laundry one of these days.”“I don’t know, Went,” Maggie says, leveling him with an amused look. “He’s a teenager now. Gonna start searching for his soulmate, soon. Who knows when that lucky someone will plop into Richie’s life.”





	Get Busy Living (Or Get Busy Dying)

**Author's Note:**

> For the Prompt: 
> 
> would you potentially wanna write some soulmate reddie? Maybe a lil angsty, bonus points if they're kids for part of it, or one of them realizes long before the other one and they keep it a secret bc he thinks he "deserves someone better" or some bs 👌

Tag, the fundamental children’s game. A game of war, a game of love, a game of ultimate power. Whoever can remain untagged the longest is the winner and whoever can hold the most power during the game is sure to go the longest untagged. That’s why alliances are so important. Alliances mean everything in life or death. How are you supposed to survive on the battlefield if you don’t have anyone on your side? There’s got to be someone who wants you to win, and likewise there has to be someone you’re willing to lose to. Someone you’re willing to lose _for_. There’s got to be someone out there you’re willing to lay it all on the line for in hope that maybe, just maybe, they’re willing to lay it out for you, too.

Quick, dodge, roll, jump, hide, do everything you have to do to survive. This world is a jungle. Each tree root is out to trip you, each leaf is out to blind you, and every other person out there is out to get you.

Except maybe one. Eddie is on the other side of the road, hands on his knees and aspirator clutched tightly in his hands. Richie can see him out in the open, just begging for someone to run up and tag him. And if they do, Richie might just win this game. He only has two tags under his belt as opposed to Ben’s six, Mike’s five, Bev’s four, and Bill’s ten. The only person who has the same lead that he does is Eddie. They’re neck and neck, vying for the championship and with the dinner bell fast approaching the only way to win this battle is either in a draw or by last man standing.

This last touch could determine everything.

Richie takes off.

It’s going to be close, he knows it. His legs carry his as fast as they can but it all feels so slow. He can see the wind blowing in Eddie’s hair and he watches as Eddie raises his head, only just becoming aware of the scene that unfolding in front of him.

Richie doesn’t think he’s going to make it. He doesn’t think he’s fast enough and all of the hope begins to drain from his body but if there is anything Richie isn’t it’s a quitter. Yeah, he might not make it in time but at least he’ll go down knowing he tried. And hey, maybe he will. That would make this entire thing even more satisfying. The others begin to emerge from their hiding spots and when it happens it’s on display for the entire group to see.

Richie takes one final step forward and launches himself off the pavement. He flies, nay, _soars_ through the air and directly in front of Eddie. Or more importantly, directly in front of Bill. Bill might be able to ride to beat the devil, but Richie can fly to save an angel.

Bill’s hand connects with Richie’s chest, skillfully positioned in front of Eddie, and Richie hits the ground.

“Richie!” Eddie shrieks at the same time as Bev bursts out into laughter on the front of the Tractor Brother’s lawn.

The game is over. Richie is it. Eddie has won. All is right in the world.

When all is said and done and the dinner bell has rung, everyone heads off their separate ways. Bill and Stan walk together, Mike rides his bike towards the edge of town, and Ben walks Bev home. Richie and Eddie head down towards Eddie’s house to drop him off first. Eddie practically gushes to Richie about the game and how cool it was that Richie saved him. How he didn’t even know Bill was coming and how did Richie even see him? Everyone was hiding!

“Of course I knew he was coming! I could see Big Bill lurking in the tree line from a mile away,” Richie smiles. He slams his hand down on Eddie’s shoulder and gives him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

“But why did you do it?” Eddie asks. He stares up at Richie and leans into his shoulder, content to walk home in a tangled-up mess.

“It would have been too easy to just let Bill get you,” Richie says matter of fact and sure of himself. “Besides, we’re in _alliance_ , Eds.”

Eddie nods like it’s the absolute truth. They’re in alliance. They swore to protect each other and they will. Forever and always.

Richie drops him home, receiving a look of pure and utter disdain from Sonia before heading off towards his own home.

“Look at him!” Maggie coos, pinching Richie’s cheeks and squatting down to be eye level with her son as soon as he comes through the door. “He’s growing up so fast. My handsome man.”

Richie pats her hands away from him, jutting out his upper lip and crossing his arms. “Mom! Stop! I’m not a kid anymore!”

“Oh, right. I’m sorry, kiddo. I almost forgot. A big old man of twelve now,” Went teases, walking around the corner and into the living room. “I can’t believe how grown you are. Maybe we should start giving him more chores, yeah Mags? A big strong man needs more responsibilities.”

Maggie stifles a laugh behind her hand as Richie puffs his chest out at them. “That’s not fair! C’mon guys!”

Went laughs full out at this, smiling as he pats his son on the head, “Sure, sure, ol’ chap. But you gotta start doing your own laundry one of these days.”

“I don’t know, Went,” Maggie says, leveling him with an amused look. “He’s a teenager now. Gonna start searching for his soulmate, soon. Who knows when that lucky someone will plop into Richie’s life.”

Richie’s parents have been gushing about his soulmark ever since he could remember. He remembers being a young kid in the bath and listening to them fawn over the pattern of freckles across the left side of his lower back, right above where his pants would sit. They said it was too distinct, too unique to be just a regular patch of freckles.

Every person is born with a soulmark. It could come in a variety of shapes and sizes making it both harder to figure out who your soulmate is and decreasing the chances of thinking someone has the same birthmark as you. Richie’s seen all kinds of soulmarks. He’s seen them look like shapes drawn into people's skin, moles on the very tips of ears, freckles across knuckles, dark patches of skin on people’s faces. His own parents soulmarks look like that. Both Went and Maggie have a small dime sized patch of skin under their right eyes that’s distinctly darker than the rest of their skin. Maggie’s told him stories of how she used to think it was ugly until she met Went, then she thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

That’s the other thing about soulmates, there is an emotional connection two people feel once they meet their soulmate for the first time. Richie’s heard it described as a ‘serene sense of safety and calm,’ but not so calm that you can’t have fun together. Maggie’s told him that when you meet the person you just know. The world clicks into place when they’re around. Went has said that everything just feels right with his soulmate around. Yeah, they fight sometimes but he can feel it in his bones. Maggie is the love of his life and he’d do anything for her.

Fucking disgusting.

Richie makes gagging noises towards his parents, sticking his fingers in his mouth and doing a very detailed imitation of throwing up all over the carpet. He finishes his grand show my collapsing in his invisible vomit, staring up at his parents with lifeless eyes and sticking his tongue out. They just chuckle, applauding him for his show and urging him to get his jacket on or else they’re going to be late for dinner.

His parents don’t make it easy to forget about his soulmark. They don’t gush about it every chance they get but Maggie asks him if he’s seen any cute girls with a similar patch on their back. She’s made sure to take a picture for Richie because “How will you find your soulmate if you don’t even know what your mark looks like!” It’s sweet and all, they really do care, but Richie isn’t interested in finding his soulmate. He wasn’t at twelve and he isn’t at fourteen, either. He’s more interested in stealing cigarettes from Mr. Keene and pulling pranks on each of his friends. He’d rather swim the Barrens until his lips turn purple than wonder who he’s gonna kiss for the rest of his life.

If he’s learned anything from his parents’ ramblings, it’s that he’ll meet is soulmate eventually. Why worry about it now? He has his entire life to kiss on the lucky stranger after they meet but he only has right now with his friends.

The ring of the bell shakes him out of his thoughts. Everyone around him begins to collect their belongings so he does the same, putting his books in his bag and standing. Mike is already waiting at his locker, ready to catch Richie as he walks by.

“Rich, are we still on for Saturday?” he says, all easy, breezy, beautiful Mike. Richie nods and tells him as much, flashing a toothy grin as he swaps out his math book for his chemistry book. “Cool, everyone’s still in.”

“You mean Sonia’s lifted her house arrest on our dear Eds?” Richie asks. They haven’t seen much of Eddie since the weather started to warm. Something about allergies that don’t exist or whatever. Richie can’t keep track of Sonia’s latest fictional medical emergency.

“Nah, but I spoke to Eddie last period. She’s got a book club at noon so he’s gonna sneak out.”

“Our little Eds. All grown up and sneaking out of windows like a big boy,” Richie fawns, placing his hand over his chest and batting his eyes at Mike. Mike just laughs and shoves at Richie’s shoulder before heading off towards his own class.

The rest of the day is mind numbing. All he can think about is the sun on his skin and his ass in the water. It’s finally warm enough for everyone to go down to the Barrens and the first swim the season is always the best. There’s just something about the way the water feels after being cooped up inside for six months. Its exhilarating.

Somehow, he manages to slum through the week. Before he knows it Saturday has come and he’s racing down Kansas street on his bike, towels and lunch packed away in his backpack. By the time he gets there Bev, Stan, and Mike have already set up shop. Richie wastes no time in ripping his shirt off and stepping out of his pants. He’s in nothing but swim trunks faster than anyone can even say hello. He doesn’t even wait for them to join him. He just runs forward, launching himself off the cliff and free falling.

The water is like ice on his skin, sending pricks of pain down into the very core of his being and leaving him gasping for air when his head breaks the surface. He splashes around for a moment and takes in several shaky gasps before calling up to the others to _come in, the water's fine, really!_

He can hear Bev’s laugh as he sees them walk back to the grass. Whatever. Losers. They’ll come in eventually. Despite the chill, the water feels refreshing. It’s as if its washing away the winter and shooting his veins up with who he wants himself to be: a lighter, more carefree version of the seasons. He finds it so hard  to be who he is when the entire world around him is dead.

He swims around for a while before climbing back up the cliffside and rejoining the group. By the time he makes it back up, everyone’s there.

“Alright! Which one of you pussies is gonna get in that water with me!” He shouts, only to receive a chorus of beeps. He laughs with them as he shakes out his towel and sits down. The spring sun has already lifted most of the water from his skin, but he knows Eddie or Stan will have a heart attack if he sits on the ground in wet trunks.

It takes another half hour before anyone else comes around to the idea of jumping in. They sit around and talk, wrapped up in each other and just enjoying the company. When they do jump, though, Bev goes first. She comes up from behind while the boys peer over the edge and talk about how cold it probably is. Richie watches from his place on his towel as she soars through the air and falls out of sight. He hears the water splash and then sees Bill and Stan tumble over the edge as well. Mike goes next and he hears them all scream and laugh from below. He lets himself smile as he moves to stand.  

“Oy, Eds, you gonna swim?” He asks, something of a British twang drips off the end of his lips as he shoots Eddie a lazy smile. He throws an arm over Eddie’s shoulders and then it’s just the two of them on the top of the cliff. And as much as Richie wants to jump, he’s also content just staying up here like this.

“Don’t call me Eds. It’s not my name,” Eddie says eventually, but Richie can see the smile on the corner of his lips. It’s gentle, but there. “Yeah, I’m just mentally preparing myself for my dick to shrivel up inside my body.”

Richie lets out a howling laugh and pulls Eddie into a noogie, “Good thing I don’t have to worry about that, Ol’ Chap. Mrs. K. makes an excellent dick warmer.”

Eddie pushes him off at that, gagging and making a show of flipping Richie off. This schtick they have going is one of Richie’s favorite things. He can banter with Bill and prank Stan and smoke with Bev all he wants but nothing quite compares to him and Eddie. They have such a natural chemistry, such an easy-going relationship that Richie wouldn’t think twice about staying up here with Eddie and tossing shitty jokes back and forth.

Fuck the water. He’d keep his winter skin for this any day.

They do jump in eventually, though. Richie watches as Eddie strips his own shirt and shorts off and races to the edge of the cliff. They jump together, plummeting to the water and laughing. They spend the entire day in the Barrens, alternating between icy water and sun kissed skin. It’s probably Richie’s favorite day of the year.

Following their day at the Barren’s, school eventually ends and they all feel the sweet, sweet release of summer. School has never been particularly hard for Richie like it might have been for others but he didn’t exactly appreciate the rigid schedules or the stupid rules. Why can’t he go pee twice in the same period? Sorry my bladder doesn’t abide by your _only two hall pass uses in an eight hour period_ rule Derry High. Get the fuck out of here. Thank god Richie is free for another three months. He can take a piss whenever he wants now. He can also do much cooler things like sleep in, eat whatever he wants, and go see his friends.

He thinks the last one is his favorite.

More often than not he finds himself in the company of at least one of the other Losers. Currently, he’s wrapped up in his new issue of Spiderverse. Eddie had gotten it for him after the movie released and he _insisted_ that Richie read it before they go see it in theaters. It’s pretty good, if Richie says so himself. He thinks it’s meta but Eddie says he’s using that word wrong. Eh, minor details.

Speaking of Eddie, he’s nestled at the foot of Richie’s bed all wrapped up in his own comic. Eddie might not look like the Walking Dead type but he owns every volume. Swears by them, even. He hasn’t watched the TV show and probably won’t, but man oh man does he love those comics.

Eddie is just close enough that if Richie extended one long leg he’d be able to nudge Eddie with his toes. Eddie would probably kill him, but it might just be worth the few chucks he’d get for it. He’s got his foot about halfway across the bed when Eddie reaches out and smacks him. Richie just laughs and goes for it, connecting his foot with Eddie’s side and nudging him right off the side of the bed.

“Dick!” Eddie calls up to him from the floor. Richie doesn’t reply, he just crawls to the edge and peers over. Eddie is already glaring up at him, face twisted up in an adorable pout.

“You’re as light as a feather, Eds,” Richie says. “I wonder what little birdie you fell from. Was it one from Stan’s little bird book?”

“Oh, shut up.” Eddie says but Richie doesn’t stop. He never really knew how to. It’s one of his better qualities, if he says so himself.

“Gotta watch out, though! Don’t want the cat to get’cha, Eds. If you’re not careful some little pussy cat is gonna swipe your little bird butt right off the ground!”

He’s laughing now and so is Eddie. “What the fuck does that even mean?”

“Honestly? I have no fucking idea.”

Eddie doesn’t reply, instead he just reaches up and tangles his hands in Richie’s shirt. Eddie might be small in size, but what he lacks there he makes up for in fitness. At fourteen, Eddie can already run faster than any of the others Losers and he can do almost as many pushups as Mike. He also knows how to throw his weight around, which is how Richie ends up right on top of him on the floor. And then next to him. And then under him.

Before Richie knows what’s happening, Eddie has him pinned face down on the carpet with one arm twisted behind his back.

“Oh,” Richie sings, “This is some kinky stuff, Kaspbrak. Warn a guy before you start to manhandle him. Consent is key, you know.”

“Ugh! Beep beep you asshole!”

Before Eddie can do any real damage to Richie the door to his bedroom swings open and a soft “kids, you alright in here?” sounds from the opening.

They both freeze as Maggie steps into the room. She doesn’t do anything at first, just stares at them with that patented Mom Expression. They both get about halfway through their own explanations of the situation when she starts to laugh.

“Dear god, boys. I’m surprised you haven’t killed each other after all these years.”

“Oh, Mags! I could never kill my dear Eds here. I love him too much.”

Eddie beeps him again as Maggie rolls her eyes, “Well, I hope you’re at least working up an appetite. Your father and I are ordering Chinese tonight. Eddie, you’re staying for supper, right?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Eddie says back. He’s got a thin smile on, one that looks like he’s desperately trying to keep the magnitude of it dimmed.

“Good,” she says. She turns to leave and then pauses, sending a wink over her shoulder and saying “Order anything you’d like, Eddie. Sonia doesn’t have to know. It’ll be our little secret.”

Eddie rolls off of Richie as she leaves, letting the grin spread across his face. “Your mom is the best, Richie.”

She is. Maggie is undoubtedly the best mom in the entire world, and Went is the best dad, too. Richie knows he can always rely on them for anything and he hopes his friends know it, too. Especially Eddie. With Sonia on the warpath almost every day it’s a miracle Eddie has any friends at all. Richie is glad that Went and Maggie always fought for their playdates when they were younger. They kept pushing as they got older; always advocating for their friendship, letting Eddie come over, guaranteeing supervision, putting up with Sonia’s nasty attitude and strict rules. They’ve managed to help give Eddie some of the freedom he lacks at home.

Seeing Eddie like this, with his shoulders relaxed and a smile on his face, has got to be one of the best feelings in the world for Richie. He’d do anything for his friends.

When they’re fifteen Richie finally sees it. It’s a picture painted portrait, an exact parallel of the year before. Only they’re older now, wiser. Well, Richie like to _think_ he’s wiser. It’s been an entire year and nothing screams wisdom like getting older and experiencing the world. In the time it’s taken them to end up back at this exact spot, in this exact position, Richie has had his first kiss, driven his father’s car for the first time, and gotten into AP level classes. How does someone explain that other than true, unadulterated wisdom?

They don’t.

Still, though, Richie isn’t sure how he’s never seen it before. It’s been so fucking obvious. Right in front of his face. Except, there really is no reason for a bunch of kids to be shirtless around each other. Especially because Eddie’s mother is so batshit crazy that she thinks he’s allergic to grass. Grass! If Eddie were allergic to grass he’d be dead! But Sonia still would have killed him if he took his shirt off on hot days like everyone else did. Hell, Eddie didn’t even start taking his shirt off for swimming until two years ago, and Sonia hardly even lets him come out for that.

It almost makes sense that Richie didn’t see it but he still kicks himself. The others are already in the water again and it’s him and Richie on the cliff, the same as it always is. Except Eddie is standing in front of Richie this time, staring out into the water. And Richie is staring at him for no other reason that it feels right to do that. He doesn’t question it. It’s how it’s always been. And then Eddie peels off his shirt, pulls it right over his head and its perfect because the sun is right there, painting his skin a soft orange. And then Richie _sees_ it. He sees that speckling of freckles across the lower left side of Eddie’s back, too precise and intentional to be anything other than a soulmark. Richie’s had his mark memorized since he was eight. There’s no mistaking it. Maybe if he were younger, less wise, more naïve, he’d be able to shuck it off. But he can’t.

There’s no big shift when he puts it all together. There’s no great clicking into place the way his parents described. The world does not slowly come into focus and he does not feel an all-consuming ‘rightness’ in his bones. Instead, Richie Tozier is left in a dazed shock as Eddie Kaspbrak, his soulmate, jumps off the edge and into the water below without him.

He almost doesn’t jump. His mind is stuck on a whirl of _Eddie is my soulmate_ and it leaves him short circuited. All of his nerves are firing and full throttle and he essentially becomes one giant 404: Richie Tozier Not Found error message.

He spends the rest of the day in a washed-out daze. It’s so bad that Bill pulls him aside and asks him if he’s okay. He is, he insists he is, he’s just not feeling so hot all of a sudden. Some kind of stomach bug, probably caught it from Eddie’s mom. He lays it on real thick, too, clutching at his stomach and using Bill for support. It gets him and the others off of his case until he can bow out without suspicion.

He even skips out on dinner when he gets home, really plays this stomach thing up to its full potential. He’s not even really lying. His stomach does feel weird. It’s got knots and drops and all-around discomfort lining it.

He crawls into bed early and thinks about the entire thing. He thinks about Eddie and his perfect tan skin, his big brown eyes, his breathy laugh. All things Richie has always known, has always been fond of. Eddie is Richie’s right-hand man. Shit may not have clicked into place like his parents said it would, but it sure as hell makes sense. Richie could spend his entire life with Eddie and never get tired of him. He could wake up every single day, do the same boring ass routine, and still be happy as a clam. He could nestle himself inside of Eddie and live alongside him, breath the same air, let their hearts beat in time together. He could do all of this and more with Eddie and the more he thinks about it, the more an overwhelming sense of dread began to simmer beneath the surface.

Fuck. This isn’t good.

He’d rather meet somebody for the first time. Then he could feel the way he knows he’s supposed to. He could be everything that he’s meant to be for that person; live up to all of their expectations and standards without having muddied, watered down parts of a preexisting friendship to sift through. But instead, his soulmate is the most perfect person in the world. The one person that he’s never deserved. How could he possibly be everything Eddie needs? How could he live up to the expectations of a soulmate? Eddie already knows him. He knows him inside and out and he knows how ugly and horrible and awful Richie can be. Richie could never be enough for him. He’s nothing but bad news for a boy like Eddie.

“So, you finally figured it out,” Bev asks months later. They’re smoking behind the bleachers, skipping out on some class that doesn’t matter as much as being a delinquent means. Well, that’s a lie. Richie would never skip his AP Lit or History classes. He would, however, skip his information technology class. There’s no world in which he doesn’t already know how to use PowerPoint. Besides, schools almost out for the year, anyway. There’s nothing Mr. Johnson can teach him that he doesn’t already know. “I see the way you’ve been looking at him.”

There’s a hint of a grin sitting on her face. She seems excited for him, happy even. He doesn’t even try to fake a smile, taking a lazy drag from his Winston and rolling his eyes.

“How long have you known?” He asks. He doesn’t even bother acknowledging what she’s said. He hardly even admits to the whole soulmate thing out loud. For him, it’s less than ideal. He still hasn’t come to the terms with the fact that he’s going to be a constant disappointment for Eddie for the rest of their lives.

“I figured it out a while ago,” she hums back, “Hard to ignore the matching birthmarks down at the Barrens.”

“Fuck, so everyone knows them?”

“Yeah, basically,” she says, taking a drag from her own cigarette. “Hey, don’t get all broody on me. I think Eddie feels the same, I just don’t think he knows yet.”

Richie rolls his eyes even harder at that. “Yeah, let’s keep it that way.”

“Whoa, what the fuck, Richard?” she says, emphasizing his full name to grab his attention. It works. “You’re been into Eddie since like, you were six years old. This should be a wet-dream-come-true for you.”

“I guess,” he says, “Would be if I even deserved to have him”

She levels him with a look that could destroy entire universes. She probably could if she wanted to. “Do not start that pity party bullshit with me, Tozier.”

“Oh, come on, Bev, look at me!” he cries, gesturing to all of himself as he talks. “Richie Tozier, fuck-up extraordinaire.”

“Richie, you can’t possibly believe that.” She says. When he doesn’t say anything, she drops her cigarette and stomps it out before gently taking hold of his face. “Baby, listen to me. You are smart, funny, and kind. I once saw you give Bill the shirt off your back because he got worse sunburn than you and you wanted to ‘shelter him from the sun.’ Anyone would be lucky to have you as their soulmate. This isn’t a life sentence for Eddie, it’s a blessing. You’re perfect for each other. So perfect that even the universe thinks you need to be together. In fact, if you ask me you two would be together in every universe, every time. Soulmark or not.”

Richie would kill anyone if they said he cried when she finished speaking. He didn’t. Those were not tears. His eyes are just watery from the pollen in the air. There’s tons of it in the air. So much that it coats his parent’s car so of course it gets in his eyes.

He rubs at them with the back of his hands before anything can actually come out and coughs twice before taking a drag of his cigarette and stubbing it out besides Bev’s.

“Talk to him, Richie,” she says like it’s the simplest thing in the world.

It’s not and he doesn’t. He tries, believe him. He tries over and over again. He thinks about it over the summer when they’re out riding bikes, racing down Up Mile Hill and balancing without touching their handlebars. He thinks about it when they all watch movies together in the Denbrough Garage, tucked away against each other in a bundle of seven warm bodies. He especially thinks about it when they start talking about schools they want to go to. He sees the wistful look in Eddie’s eyes when they talk about it and he knows Sonia has only let him apply to schools she approves of. It shocks him to the core to know she’s let him apply to NYU and he wonders if Eddie could apply to UCLA, too. Sonia might not let him but maybe if Eddie knew they were soulmates he’d apply, anyway.

Richie’s acceptance letter is tacked up on the fridge in the Tozier household, hung proudly for the entire world to see. It’s been Richie’s dream ever since he could remember. There’s something wistful about the warm, amber haze he sees in his mind whenever he thinks about California. It’s like a constant sunset there. Always mellow, always inviting, always moving. He knows that its unrealistic. California is probably just like every other place in the world but in his mind he thinks it's paradise.

Well, it was. Now, he’s tangled up in the unreality of his own dreams. California feels so far away from him. Even now that it’s right against his fingertips the image of him there, living his life and going about his days without Eddie is haunting. A few months ago, he hadn’t even known about Eddie and his stupid soulmark. He was more than happy to cross the country alone and just go about his merry way. Yeah, he’d miss his friends and all that but before it wasn’t soul crushing. It probably would have been in the end but at least he used to be able to stomach the idea.

Bev has told him to talk to Eddie more times than he can count but he can’t bring himself to do it. If Eddie hasn’t figured it out yet he’s better for it. He’s never been one to get wrapped up in the whole soulmate thing anyway. Anything would be better than being stuck with Richie for the rest of eternity.

Bev says he’s broody but Richie thinks he’s just being practical.

His parents are concerned, too. They say he hasn’t been acting the same since the summer. Maybe he hasn’t, or maybe he’s just filling the role he was always meant to fill.

“Talk to him,” Bev says in the middle of study hall. She slams down a piece of paper she grabbed from the printer on her way over and slides it directly over his calculus notes.

_People who are denied life with their soulmates become chemically altered. Without the production of the natural endorphins caused by the union of soulmates, many people become clinically_ depressed. _If a person never discovers their soulmate they are less susceptible to this phenomenon, but those who are explicitly denied are vulnerable to a wide variety of psychological challenges._

“What is this?” He asks, reading the words over a second time.

“Stop doing this to yourself, Rich. And stop doing this to him!”

“’If a person never discovers their soulmate’,” he recites, “it says it right here. Eddie’s fine,” he says back. The words feel childish in his mouth, as if he’s mocking her.

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” she shoots back.

“I’m the only one being affected here. And it’s my choice. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.” Yeah, he’s definitely being childish.

“You’re fucking impossible,” she says and she leaves it at that for a while. He knows this conversation isn’t over. It never is. Bev is nothing if not stubborn but so is he. The two of them once fought for three whole months over soft serve ice cream verses the stuff that you can get in the store. No one ended up winning but Richie knows that he’s right. Soft serve is the superior ice cream.

She is wearing down at him, though. As the months continue on he feels himself slipping further and further down and she doesn’t let up her onslaught of hopeful aggression.

_You deserve happiness, dumbass._

_Stop being a huge fucking idiot and let yourself be in love._

_Eddie loves you, too. It’s in his code!_

_You can be happy if you just let yourself._

It’s almost starting to make sense. There’s something waning inside of him. Its chipping away at the wall he built around his heart. To be fair, the wall was built so quick and without hesitation that its structure is deeply, deeply flawed. The cracks in it are his biology, his wanting, his absolute desire. Soon enough Bev will break it down and he’ll go running into Eddie’s arms. Maybe they’ll even be open and waiting for him, letting him make a home in them.

He thinks of how he would even tell Eddie about it and for the first time since this whole thing started he can feel a small nudge of hope ebb into his heart.

The final blow doesn’t happen until Stan finds his soulmate. Her name is Patty and she’s beautiful. They met while Stan’s father was out of state working with another synagogue. Stan went with him, hoping to lend a helping hand and _boom_. Found his soulmate. They were destined to meet, both having applied and been accepted to the same school down in Atlanta. The stars aligned for them, put them together and even gave them an extra year to be so full of life and love. They have matching triangles on their left palms and Stan hasn’t been able to shut up about her. Not that Richie wants him to. Richie’s never seen him glow this way before. He’s never seen Stan quite so happy.

It launches them into a pointed discussion about soulmates. Stan’s the first, but who will be next? Surely each of them will find their soulmate eventually but when? What do you think they’ll be like? Will they be tall, handsome, beautiful? Will they be funny, smart, charming? What do you want out a soulmate and will it even matter once you’ve found them?

Richie participates only as much as he has to. He slips in a crude sex joke here and there, weighs in on some of his opinions, but mostly just stares off into the distance. He catches Bev’s eyes twice through the whole thing but he doesn’t say anything. He just keeps on keeping on, steeling himself with walls of imitation. His voices and masks become his greatest weapon against himself.

When Eddie says, “I don’t even know if I want to find my soulmate,” it shakes Richie right out of his thoughts.

“Oh, come on Eddie,” Ben cries, “Don’t you want to find the love of your life?”

“I don’t know. I mean, my mom says I don’t have a soulmark and that I’m better off. And you know what?” his voice comes out in a high chuckle, almost incredulous of the words he’s about to say. “I kind of agree with her for once. Losing my dad really took a toll on her. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if they’d never met. Would she have turned out okay?

“Well, for starters you wouldn’t even be alive,” Bill starts but Bev cuts him off, placing a gentle hand on Eddie’s forearm

“I don’t think you should think like that, Eddie.” She’s got her eyes on him in a way that screams danger, danger, turn back now but he doesn’t budge.

“Why not? I don’t have a mark, anyway.”

Bill opens his mouth to speak but a sharp kick to his shin cuts him off. All that comes out of his mouth is a small groan as he bends over to rub at his leg.

“You don’t know that, Eddie. You could still have one,” Mike says.

“Maybe,” Eddie says but he sounds far away. It’s a clear sign that the conversation is over and Richie feels like his entire soul left his body. Like he’s astral-projecting himself onto another plane of existence so he can scream his lungs raw. Eddie doesn’t want a soulmate at all. He wouldn’t want him even if he knew about his mark. He thinks he’s better off without ever knowing Richie existed.

As soon as the final bell rings, Richie’s gone so fast that no one even sees him leave.

If Eddie doesn’t want him, then he doesn’t want Eddie either.

Except he does. It’s all one big, fat, all-consuming lie. The only hope that Richie holds onto is that they’re going to be states away soon. Richie might not ever forget about Eddie, but he sure as hell can learn to live without him.

They find themselves together as a group so much over the course of their last semester that Richie couldn’t even avoid Eddie if he wanted to. He doesn’t, to be clear. That boy is magnetic. Just because he’s over the whole soulmate thing, doesn’t mean he wants Eddie out of his life forever. When they’re together Richie feels the pressure lifting off his chest. He leans into every touch, smiles at every joke, and lets the natural flow of their connection override his system. It’s just so fucking right that when they’re not together, when Richie can pull himself out of the haze and clouds, he feels worse. It’s like he’s detoxing from his own, personal heroin. It’s a constant push and pull. A losing battle.

Eddie rests himself against Richie’s chest as they talk. He can feel their hearts beating together and he wonders if Eddie can feel it, too. He wonders if Eddie can feel anything at all.

“We leave soon,” he hears Eddie say and everyone hums together.

He wonders if Eddie feels everything as strongly as he does. Does he feel the highs and the lows, or is everything just intensified with the cat and mouse Richie is playing with himself?

“I can’t believe we’re graduating next week.”

Could there ever be anything better than this?

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you all.”

Could there ever be anything worse?

“Richie, will you call me when we’re gone?” Eddie says, and oh shit he’s looking up at Richie with those big, brown doe eyes and Richie just fucking melts into the tree he’s up against.

“Of course, I’ll call you, Eds. I’ll call you every damn day if you want me to. I just can’t get enough of that spaghetti you’re always serving up,” comes out more of a sigh than a chide but Eddie laughs and bats Richie’s hand away when he pinches those cute cheeks. It’s so easy. It’s always been so easy.

“Who needs a soulmate when you have such amazing friends,” Eddie sighs back and rests his head back against Richie’s shoulder.

Who needs a soulmate, anyway? Maybe none of them do. Maybe they’ll all find comfort in the warmth they get right here from each other. _Friends can be soulmates, too_ , Richie thinks. _I’m drowning in his friendship._

As Richie looks in the mirror, his reflection tells him he misses himself.

College sneaks up so fast. His parents have his plane ticket booked and his suitcases linger unpacked in the hallway. Went is flying out with him. They’ve set aside a small Richie’s College Stuff Fund to use once he’s out there so he can furnish his dorm. Make it a little more Richie without having to fly his entire bedroom across the country. They squeeze his hand and kiss his hair and tell him they love him more than ever, now, and Richie loves it. He won’t say it but it helps to know that he’s still their little boy. It helps to know he’s not as lost as he feels some days.

He’s down in the Barrens smoking, letting the sun warm his skin. The smoke from his Winston burns in his lungs and he reminds him what feeling feels like. The closer L.A. gets, the harder he thinks everything is becoming.

_People who are denied life with their soulmates become chemically altered_.

He wonders if this is what the dead feel like. He’s been reading up on cases of denied soul unions. Most of them are people who’ve tragically died or have been separated from their soulmate by forces out of their control. He’s read up on every possible outcome. Many people have gone on to live meaningful lives. They’ve attended therapy, learned how to function again, and have even begin medications that synthetically simulate some of the chemicals their minds need. Those are the good cases, the happy endings. Others aren’t so happy but he doesn’t like to linger on those stories, those Romeo’s and Juliet’s that thought the dagger was more fulfilling than a life without love. Why would anyone choose that? But again, why would anyone choose this, either?

Bev echoes in his mind over and over again. It breaks him down, wears at every last piece of self-restraint he has until the damn breaks. Richie can’t keep them apart. The universe won’t allow it. It’s in their code.

Somewhere, on the other side of town, Eddie Kaspbrak is sorting through boxes under his bed. He’s packing for his own departure to college and trying to get everything sorted before he leaves. His clothes are cast aside on his bed as he goes through old boxes of keepsakes, debating on what he wants to bring with him when he leaves. Trophies, no. Knickknacks, maybe. Bev has given him a number of bracelets he holds on to. He picks up a string one, wound together with browns and greens and blues, and packs it away. He’s always been fond of pictures, especially the ones Mike has taken and given to him. When he sees a stack of them in the bottom of the shoebox he’s been rifling through he picks them up, a soft smile spreading across his face. There’s five or six tucked away in this box, away from Sonia and the rest of the world. He sees the whole lot of them, no older than twelve and covered in dirt. They’re in the gravel pit and all bleeding from various places. It was the day they’d met Mike. They all went to bat for him, chucking rocks at the Bowers Gang until they retreated. It was the day they became the Lucky Seven.

Eddie tucks the picture into the pocket of one of his shirts and puts it safely at the bottom of a suitcase. He keeps going, rifling through the boxes he’s got hidden in his closet. There are more pictures, more knickknacks, more little things he’s collected from his friends over the years. He’s got a drawing from Bill that he tucks in his suitcase right alongside a secondhand bird book that Stan got him. Inside the book he puts poems from Ben.

Eddie fully intends to take something from everyone. Little keepsakes to sprinkle throughout his dorm room. Small things to hold onto when he’s lonely or sad or missing someone he loves dearly.

Not Sonia. Fuck that. She can rot right now. Eddie’s never been more excited to leave home than he is for his first year of college. She’s been on his ass for the entire summer, nagging him and forcing them to do Mommy Son Bonding Activities. It’s been brutal. Eddie knows deep down that it’s because she’s going to miss him, because she’s terrified of losing him, but it only feeds the resentment in his chest. If he’d had a normal life, with a normal relationship with Sonia, he might have been able to empathize with her. Too late for that.

He keeps digging, keeps running his hands over every single keepsake he’s saved throughout his life. His father’s coin collection, the baby blankets his mother crocheted for him, every single claw game prize Richie has ever won for him. It’s all here, wrapped up together. Treasures from his childhood. Things he never wants to forget as he moves on to this next phase.

His fingers find the edge of a small photo sitting at the bottom of a shoebox and he grabs it on impulse. It isn’t with the others like it should be. It’s not filed away in a place where he could easily name what it is. Curiosity and nostalgia run through his as he pulls it free, shaking the dust off it to get a better look.

It isn’t anything miraculous. It’s just a picture of him and the others at the Barrens. It’s got to be two, maybe three years old, just Stan started to really grow his hair out. It was a good look on him, golden curls falling past his shoulders with a light blue yarmulke pinned neatly to the top. Very Stanley Uris, if Eddie says so himself.

Eddie doesn’t move for a while, he just admires the picture. Bill isn’t in it, he’s probably taking the picture himself, but most of the others are. Ben is cropped out on one side and only Richie’s legs can be seen on the other. Bev and Mike are laughing at some distant joke and Stan is smiling wide. Eddie himself is faced away, looking almost like he’s about to jump into the water below. The quality of the picture isn’t the best, but Eddie can see the way the sun shines on his skin. He can see the curves in his own back and it weirds him out to see a part of himself so clearly that he’s never seen before.

Something catches his eye at the last second and he almost thinks it’s a shadow or a trick of the mind but it isn’t. It’s there, as clear as the water below and undeniably familiar. Right on his lower left side is a patch of freckles. It’s faint and almost blends in with his naturally tan skin, but he sees it. It shouldn’t surprise him that he didn’t know it was there. After all, why the hell would someone look at their own back? There’s nothing there besides shoulders and skin. He thinks that he would be aware of anything he should know about. Certains his mom would have told him.

Still, though, he can’t put the photo down. He stares at it, turning the paper over in his hands several times as he inspects it in closer detail. Something about it seems too erie, too familiar. There’s no way he’s seen it before, though. He didn’t even know he had any birthmarks besides mole on his stomach and the light splattering of freckles he gets over the summer.

He tries to keep sifting through his keepsakes but he can’t shake the image from his mind. Even after he puts the picture down he sees it. It’s there, plain as day. He lets his mind wander, create images with the mark in it. He sees it on his skin, porcelain white in the summer sun. He imagines it flexing and moving, right above a pair of ratty old jeans. It’s there, below long curls of black, unruly hair.

Oh. Fuck.

Eddie quickly snatches the picture from ground and stares at it again and he fucking _knows_ . That isn’t _just_ a patch of freckles and he _has_ seen it before. He knows that mark. He’s seen that mark. He’d be able to recognize that mark on anyone from over a mile away. Except it’s not on just anyone. It’s on himself and it’s on _Richie._

Eddie doesn’t even feel the photograph slide from his fingers as he drops it. He just stares into space. He doesn’t even think. He doesn’t do a damn thing besides imagine that mark on Richie’s skin and let the realization wash over him.

Richie has talked about it since they were kids. It’s Richie’s _soulmark_. Eddie has Richie’s soulmark on his back. Eddie is Richie’s soulmate and he never even fucking knew it until now. How the fuck could he not have known? isn’t there supposed to be some grand shift in the world? Isn’t he supposed to know from the second he lays eyes on his soulmate that they’re the one? That’s how Stan described it. He felt his connection with Patty before they even saw the marks. They had an inkling, a predecessor to the grand reveal. Where the fuck was that for Eddie? What the fuck, universe?

Maybe the world never clicked into place because everything was always where it was supposed to be. Richie and Eddie have always been together. Some of Eddie’s earliest memories have been with Richie by his side. They were on the playground making little villages out of the wood chips and gravel. They were on playdates while their parents begrudgingly made small talk in the other room. They were passing notes back and forth in fifth grade geography and reading comics together and playing games. There was no great shift because life with Richie is all he’s ever known.

Eddie is on his feet and out the door in a second. Sonia doesn’t have the physical capacity to stop him from grabbing her car keys and bolting out the front door. She’s hardly out of her recliner when the engine starts and she hears the telltale sound of flying gravel as Eddie peels out of the driveway.

It’s Richie. Fuck. It’s always been Richie. The world may not click into place but god dammit it all makes sense now. He’s never felt scared with Richie. Every time Henry had him cornered, shoved his face into the rocks, bloodied his nose, he’s always felt safe as long as Richie was there. Even if Richie was getting an equal or worse pounding of his own. Eddie’s always joked to the others that if he never found his soulmate he’d be just as happy to spend his life with Richie instead. Two best friends taking on the world together. Oh, and the looks they’d give him. It would range anywhere from amusement to sympathy to outright confusion. God, he’s so naïve. How could he not fucking know?

Eddie turns the corner, taking the car easily 20 miles over the speed limit of their residential neighborhood. Richie doesn’t live far but Eddie’s not interested in wasting time on stoplights and speed limits and civilian courtesies. He needs to get to Richie. He needs to tell him.

Eddie thinks back to the letter tucked away in his desk drawer under the false bottom Ben helped him install. It’s a hiding place for the most top-secret information. He’s got everything from notes he’s saved to letters back and forth to Bev to his own private diary entries. And tucked underneath all of that, as far away from daylight as Eddie could stash it, is an acceptance letter to UCLA. There are only 4 souls in the entire world who know about that letter. Well, realistically there’s probably more but Eddie counts the entire decision committee at UCLA to be one person. It’s just easier that way. The other three people are Bev, Bill, and himself. He didn’t want to tell anyone or get anyone’s hopes up. He only applied on a whim, anyway. It was like the school was calling for him or something. It was just begging him to apply. He never really thought anything would come of it.

But now here he is, 17, on the cusp of 18 and so, so close to the inheritance his father left behind. Sonia has already, albeit reluctantly, forked out the security deposit for NYU but Eddie thinks that if he can sweet talk the admission board he might still be able to get into UCLA. They’re cutting it close, too close for comfort, but it’s only the end of July. There’s still 4 more weeks until the start of the term. Surely someone’s going to drop their housing and Eddie will be able to squeeze in there, right?

The waiting list can’t be too long, either. Even if it is, Eddie will find an apartment, a shack in the woods, anything to get out to L.A. He’ll sell his entire collection of comic books if it means he’ll be able to go with Richie. Now that he knows they’re meant to be together he’ll do anything to make sure they are.

He pulls up in front of the Tozier house with screeching tires and doesn’t even bother locking the doors as he yanks the keys from the engine and sprints up the porch steps.

“Richie!” comes out frantic and loud and caught between wheezing breaths. “Richie! I need to talk to you!”

He’s pounding on the door when it opens and practically falls inside. Strong arms catch him before he hits the ground and he’s about to start talking, start spilling his entire heart out when the person above him speaks first.

“Whoa there, Eddie! Everything okay?”

Well, he had a 30% chance of the correct Tozier opening the door and the odds are never in his favor.

“Mr. Tozier, hi,” he gasps back, looking up at Richie’s dad with what he hopes is a perfectly rational, normal human facial expression. “Everything’s fine! Is Richie upstairs?”

Went chuckles and places a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “Sorry, bucko, you just missed him. Richie left about twenty minutes ago.”

“What?! Where did he go? Did he say anything before he left?” Eddie asks, still gasping for breath and fumbling with the car keys in his hands.

“Are you sure everything’s alright, son? If something's happening, you know you can tell us, right? We’ll always keep you guys safe.” Fucking hell. Went means well but this isn’t the time for it. Everything’s fine. He just has to talk to Richie.

“Yeah, Mr. Tozier, everything’s fine. I gotta go,” Eddie replies, turning around and practically leaping off of the porch. He hears Went call out behind him that Richie is at the Barrens and that’s all he needs to hear. He’s back on the road in a matter of seconds, turning the corner and following the roads he knows by heart.

As soon as he hits the backroads, Eddie picks up as much speed as he can. Sonia’s car is small but he knows from his limited experience driving that small cars handle best. He takes the turns in the road with ease, laughing every time there’s a particularly sharp bend in the road. It’s exhilarating, he thinks, going so fast. He feels like he’s racing against the clock. He’s racing to tell the love of his life what he knows. There’s no mystery anymore. He’s never thought about kissing Richie before but now that the idea is there it lights his skin on fire. He can’t wait to tell him, to see the look on Richie’s face when he realizes it, too. They’ll pull their shirts off, confirm the marks, and then Richie will take him in his arms and kiss him. They’ll go to UCLA together and live happily ever after. It’s so simple, so wonderful. It fills Eddie up from his head to his toes until he feels like he’s floating.

He's so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn’t feel the way the road starts to break up beneath his tires. He doesn’t notice the cracks and dips in the pavement as he gets closer and closer to the Barrens. He doesn’t see how the ground opens up beneath his tires, large enough to swallow his car whole.

When his car hits that pothole, it’s almost like slow motion. The wheel jerks out of his hands to compensate for the jarring tires, his foot slams on the brakes to stop the vehicle from careening into oncoming traffic. Eddie watches as the world spins around him. The greens from the treetops mixes in with the gray pavement and the brown Earth. There’s water somewhere in his vision but it blurs. It’s moving too quick to make anything out. All he can think is _no, please, I’m so close. I have to tell him. He has to know._ There’s adrenaline coursing through his veins, fear icing his heart. Distantly, someone might be screaming but Eddie can’t make out who it is. It’s as if everything is fading away around him, mixing with the realities and illusions of his mind. And when his car connects with a large oak tree bordering the road, Eddie feels absolutely nothing at all.

Back in the Barrens, Richie’s feels everything.

 

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY SO IM SUPER LATE TO THE SOULMATE TROPE DID I DO IT RIGHT? Local friends say no, no I did not.
> 
> I said I would never write soulmates and yet here I am. I love this fic. I had a blast writing it and I got to throw some of my favorite tropes and themes into it. I also combined this with another prompt other than the one in the top notes that requested me to “Can you umm like maybe write perhaps the most angstiest thing you can think of???? For the pairing of your choice.....” So here we are. 
> 
> Also, huge shout out to oldguybones for being such an extraordinary beta. She is honestly such a hype girl and we stan and legend. 
> 
> Thank you to the two anons who made this fic possible. Drop questions, comments, and angry exhortations below! 
> 
> Also come scold me at reddie-for-anything.tumblr.com


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